Tag Archives: Swinging

Swinging V Polyamory – its not BDSM

Two very very different things

Something that MrsWolfie wrote got me thinking and the urge to respond.
Swingers Devotion Symbol. Creative Commons 

A Swingers Devotion

Swinging. I very briefly touched on Swinging in a previous post. Its active in my area for sure.

“Swinging, sometimes called wife swapping, husband swapping or partner swapping, is a sexual activity in which both singles and partners in a committed relationship sexually engage with others for recreational purposes.[1] Swinging is a form of non-monogamy and is an open relationship. People may choose a swinging lifestyle for a variety of reasons. Many cite an increased quality and quantity of sex. Some people may engage in swinging to add variety into their otherwise conventional sex lives or due to their curiosity. Some couples see swinging as a healthy outlet and means to strengthen their relationship.[1]

The phenomenon of swinging, or at least its wider discussion and practice, is regarded by some as arising from the freer attitudes to sexual activity after the sexual revolution of the 1960s, the invention and availability of the contraceptive pill, and the emergence of treatments for many of the sexually transmitted diseases that were known at that time. The adoption of safe sex practices became more common in the late 1980s.

The swinger community sometimes refers to itself as “the lifestyle”, or as “the alternative lifestyle”.[2]”

Oddly enough Alternative Lifestyles cover many things, including BDSM and various ethical practices and beliefs.

  Polyamory Symbol Creative Commons Licence128px Polyamory woven svgPolamoury 
“Polyamory (from Greek πολύ poly, “many, several”, and Latin amor, “love”) is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the informed consent of all partners involved.[1][2] It has been described as “consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy”.[3][4][5] People who identify as polyamorous believe in an open relationship with a conscious management of jealousy; they reject the view that sexual and relational exclusivity are necessary for deep, committed, long-term loving relationships.[6][7] Other people prefer to restrict their sexual activity to only members of the group. This type of closed polyamory relationships are usually referred to as polyfidelity.[8][9]

Polyamory has come to be an umbrella term for various forms of non-monogamous, multi-partner relationships, or non-exclusive sexual or romantic relationships.[10][11][12] Its usage reflects the choices and philosophies of the individuals involved, but with recurring themes or values, such as love, intimacy, honesty, integrity, equality, communication, and commitment”

Neither practices come under the umbrella of BDSM, but those practicing either can have interests in BDSM as part of their kinks or lifestyle.  

I consider myself polyamorous but currently practice a monogamous relationship. Polyamory is one of the hardest types of relationship, trust and acceptance is a key, and jealousy is common and one of the harder areas to overcome. It can be very rewarding as different partners can offer each other different levels, areas and manners of love and satisfaction.  Where it IS incorporated in BDSM it can be one person is perhaps more Dominant, and can offer some things a ‘primary’ partner cannot.

I’ve never been into swinging (despite once staying ‘accidentally’ in a swingers hotel!

To summarise Swingers tend to be far more oriented towards sexual pleasure, Polyamory towards relationships and affection.
Are you either, comment or get in touch if you like my posts.

A rough kinky guide & more to Telford (UK)

I’ll not lie,  most events BDSM related in the Midlands are NOT in Telford and at times living here and trying to be in the kink scene are tough.
 (Note there are several other towns across the world called Telford. Confusing isn’t it!)


Many munches or meetups centre round the bigger events, clubs or trade shows in Birmingham Bizarre Bazaar known as the BBB. Or are more remote events, online shops or not in the area. 

Telford Events are usually organised and announced on the Adult Social Media platform Fetlife. 

There’s not a lot in Telford in way of events. The main Telford Fetish  munch is small, but friendly and held in Midlands adult and LBTQ+ friendly pub slightly away from the centre of town, and not well served by public transport. 

The small much is however very friendly, and welcoming and worth a visit if its running (again most are currently shut due to Covid)

Online the Munch Group has close to 300 members presumably from in and around Telford. Quite often more mobile members crossover between munches. Not all of these people attend the munches. At a guess many of the members are lurkers. The actual attendance is between 12 and 20, although I’ve heard there’s been closer to 30 in the past.

LBTQ+ there is an active but small public group on social media, that pre lockdown

Going Outside. Particularly if you have a car, there are many opportunities for outdoor, remote play, occasional derelict buildings. (obviously be safe!) remote areas of woodlands, b road tracks (make sure they are not farm tracks) and lay-bys 
The opportunity for some outdoor play, or photoshoots is good.

Shopping. During Covid online adult toy stores such as Love Honey have seen a huge increase.

An independent couple friendly Adult Boutique named Romeo & Juliet’s Licensed  Adult Store  selling clothing, toys and peripherals closed in 2018. I’m in agreement here that Telford could be so much better for BDSM.

Other events are held in Birmingham and Wolverhampton, and I’ve been offered lifts to these if and when things change and it becomes possible. Having not attended I cannot write about them however this post is about Telford itself, not its surroundings.

A small Ann Summers store operates in the Telford Town Centre

There are a few hotels listed as Adults Only, in the area but no real boutique hotels similar to the Hotel Pellirocco in Brighton, which I rate as a standard for good ‘play’ hotels to aim for.

While swinging in no way suggests links with BDSM it preliminary research suggests that Telford has a fairly active swinging scene (I’m almost certain some of my neighbours swing that way!) And the UK TV broadcaster Channel 4 (renowned for its colourful productions) is currently (Aug2020) airing a program titled, yes you’ve guess it. Swingers!

Dogging certainly happens in Telford, again not BDSM but part of the sexual steaming pot of the area! Frequent topic on Adult Social Media forums.

Just Get Naked.
For those that just enjoy not wearing clothes Telford offers a naturist club again located on the Outskirts of Telford

Abuse
The very very dark side of Telford Illegal Activities

Telford is an area of relative financial poverty. Its reputation and links for underage gangs, including forced prostitution, trafficking. While these gangs have been found, arrested and imprisoned there are rumours that elements of abuse are still current.
Sexual abuse, control of minors, enforced drug taking, or any form of non consent are in no way part of a healthy bdsm scene or lifestyle.
Those in any community who abuse others or the law should be reported and prosecuted.

Share and share alike

I’m not personally convinced that 1 to 1 is the best way for modern relationships.  To me they still linger on to Victorianesque, women as property, based on on power hungry misinterpretations of the holy scriptures, which incidentally are FULL of sex, multiple partners, sleeping with your brothers wife etc. 

My issue with religious is that its easily ‘lost in translation, and used for control, rather than good. I consider myself polyamours, but live in a monogomous relationship.


If you ever look at the Bible/Torah/Quoran, you’ll notice that they include the same texts to some degree!


Polamoury, from loosely translated ‘many loves’ is a relationship where ‘play’ not always sex, is agreed with 1 or more partners. Often polyamorous relationships are intensely loving when successful, IF jealously can be put aside.


Swinging, is sharing partners for sex, usually the same, but often at ‘clubs’ or off websites. Sounds fab but I feel you need confidence or both be interested to really make it work.


Open relationships..  These really are probably one that occurs at the beginning of relationships, communication, awareness of other partners may be minimal, or it may be a relationship where 1 or more people just do not commit.  

Polygamy and polygyny.  Generally this involves recognised marriage to more than one spouse..  While legal in many religious it may not be legal in the law of a country.

My personal experiences of polyamory are that its difficult, jealousy often arises, even if unintentional, the illogical need to ‘own’ a partner are deep