Tag Archives: CKD

Why I offer peer support – and why I hate doing it

Actually I don’t HATE doing it. But it has its positives and negatives. A bit of a rant! 

What is peer support. Basically sharing info and supporting those in the same situation, group interest as yourself, often in a ’safe’ environment.

The BDSM community, is by the by runs on Peer Support, at times better than others. Hence the ‘community’ runs munches, workshops, such as ‘peer rope’ workshops. These are designed to share information, to safeguard against predators. Everyone at some point is ’new’ to something. A community, a classroom, a job.

I have always been involved in peer support for several of my passions, other than BDSM, plants, CKD, kite flying.
Knowledge is power but knowledge  should be shared.

The downside of peer support is that it can be exhausting if it fails to meet its purpose.  If people become reliant on you, or your group. As though people are unable to ‘FIND OUT FOR THEMSELVES’  I call and other social media, including the bdsm community, the Lazy Search Engine. How often have you seen a post of ‘How Do I?

HOW TO USE A SEARCH ENGINE should be the default intro for any peer support group online!

Offering peer support or running a group can be exhausting if the you, or only a few people are putting in the effort. It leaves you feeling unappreciated (always thank a host, give them feedback). If the fun stops.  Walk away – let someone else do it. In the bigger picture, people will ALWAYS have the same questions, and the ANSWERS WILL ALWAYS BE THE SAME.

People have been getting into kink, and likewise developing CKD at any time and will continue to do so. DECADES of information is available on the internet.  Just for once, it would be nice to see more posts along the line of.

‘I’ve looked  up and researched X Y & Z and would like to know more! 

Do you run a peer support group, have you ever had to step back or pass over responsibilities?

Feature image women in a peer support group Creative Commons

Behind the lack of content – Health

Apologies dear followers for the lack of content, I know you are few but enjoy reading!
I’ve been struggling a bit to feel sexy enough to write, and other stuff has got in the way.
I’m also suffering from Low Calcium, theres not a lot I can do about that apart from try and get more sun, and eat calcium rich foods. Sadly you won’t see me in shorts and a T shirt with the temp at around 6 C.

Severe symptoms of hypocalcemia include:

confusion or memory loss
muscle spasms
numbness and tingling in the hands, feet, and face
muscle cramps
weak and brittle nails
easy fracturing of the bones” 

Don’t worry tho the med team are on it and I’m eating plenty of cheese (which I love, !)

So lets look at some of the topics I can hopefully line up for you.
Aural Sex, storytelling and orgasm denial, a good little exercise for submissives, or anyone who enjoys a bit of self pleasure!
Slidy Fingers
Doggie Style
G-Spot O, for Orgasm
Temeparature Play, turn up the heating, get out the ice
Love Balls (well that could mean many things!)  (Look up Love Balls and you’ll find a girls online game, but I’ve NEVER EVER called them ‘jiggle balls’ in 50 shades style! They are and should always be Ben Wa Balls, unless they are not!

So bare with, and in the meantime enjoy The BDSM Files from my good friend and Regular Blogger MrsWolfie

30 days of Oh! Full Bladder and Temperature Play

Well those girls at Sh’ do come up with some great stuff.

Full bladder sex isn’t something I’ve come across for sensation. Bladder ‘control’ (dangerous if done too often, your kidneys need to flush!)
I’ve seen it done in ‘control and denial’ in BDSM until a sub begs to ‘go’ sometimes with humiliating, or rewarding results.
Please let me ‘pee’ posts on some groups on apps and indeed ‘supposed 24/7’ relationship porn accounts are uneducated and irresponsible. I no longer pee with CKD stage 5 and 0 kidney function so from a Male pov I couldn’t comment!

While a sub asking for permission to use the bathroom or urinate etc can be quite hot in terms of overall health, a Dom/Domme/Owners responsibility is first and foremost for safety and health during play (and beyond if in a LTR) 

Technical stuff.

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/pee-orgasm..  Best to let it flow. If you want to involve it, just be aware that kidney damage is permanent in many many cases, and treatment isn’t temporary!

However there’s an inkling of truth in that a full bladder seems to apply internal pressure and can in some cases heighten orgasm. I could only find a couple of forum articles about it!

Haing CKD myself, I really do NOT encourage including holding urine/for a Dom/Domme as a sub/Sub for any longer than u normally would if trying to find a loo. In theory it causes kidney stress, reflux and all sorts of issues down the line.

Temperature  sensation play..

I’ve written about this before but, from a rooms temperature (holiday sex can be intense) to warming or cooling lube or toys. Temperature sensation can be far more than just the ice cubes of porn and film!  This is why I say hotels can REALLY be a great place to induce good play as your there for a purpose and domestic ‘commitments’ are out of the window.T

Reacting to Grief – Christmas is hard

For me, Christmas is a time of self exploration.  Actually I find today. The Solstice Day, far stronger than an adopted multi faith celebration that’s been abused so commercially that many find it difficult. Although a carol service is in order almost as a ‘thing’ thats default and quite enjoyable.
This post is as much for me as it is for MrsWolfie, possibly one of my longest friends in the BDSM world. And here I am writing this blog!

One thing that that’s rarely talked about with kidney failure, and disability is grief. (its an odd chance that Red is an ex church wife!) Its a fact, that if you have CKD you are going to loose people from ‘the family’, its almost been me once or twice! )

My first loss, was S, we’d worked together voluntarily and I fancied the pants of her, and to some degree another colleague M, fantasising about what I’d like to DO to her, or them. I was still mobile there, and the little green bug would wizz down to Somerset for the odd meeting. She died, from complications and infection, some days after starting national group for younger people with CKD. This was the first funeral I’d been to. I didn’t cry, a tear, something in me bottled up. Maybe shock, maybe I don’t know. Perhaps being ill most of your life you learn to bottle up, to hide, to be TOUGH. Another colleague, and friend, was crying his eyes out, a complete shock to me from his usual cocky and full of it cheery chap persona.

The emotional release hit later, unexpectedly, sometimes triggered, sometimes unexpected and it hurt, the tears flowed, the anger.

A year after I moved out of town, the big smoke and British Capital, my own mother, was diagnosed with 2 blood clots, a typical healthcare professional she didn’t look after herself.  I was terrified, me leaving home could have been the last time I saw her. That, being up here over 100 miles away, scares me now. Being disabled means getting down to see them is a military operation. Both now have age related medical conditions. My dad had a ‘prostate scare’ a few years back, and has a pacemaker, and my mum stopped taking her medications when my parents moved because ‘they got packed!!’  MOTHER!!!  I’m missing them. Despite our turmoiled relationship.

I wrote about Imp recently, and how we fell out. There have been another 9 friends and colleagues I’ve known to die from kidney failure related complications before that. Some I’ve worked with, one or 2 I’ve grown up with from a pre teen age, and ALL I’ve met. 

Cupcake was a disabled lover, a sub and Pet that I knew, who I ‘lost’ more or less while we were on holiday.
This is difficult to write about.  C had a rare form of dwarfism, and needed assistance in dressing, but could get on and off the bed with ease. Our relationship was patchy.  I was going through my own stuff, my parents perhaps were helicoptering after my near death experience a few years back. And I wasn’t perhaps getting the full support to drive, be independent etc that I might have had. As a result I was a pretty crap lover:( And maybe didn’t go and see here often enough. Or my own weakness made excuses.
When we did play she was fantastic, obedient, well trained, a good laugh, and we worked well together.

She’d had some bad experiences, being vulnerable, a ‘bad DOM’ could basically have done anything to her without consent as her physical form left weakness in muscles. 
We decided to go on holiday together, 2 disabled people going away is a nightmare that requires military planning. We did get there but C was already a bit unwell.

A year or so she’d had a contraceptive implant that I personally thought was a bad choice (having researched the side effects) We didn’t play on holiday, but she became ill on the second week) I was in one hospital having my routine treatment.  The hotel was a specialist, a love accessible venue in the mountains with an pool with a hoist, wide rooms, wheel in wet rooms.  Basic but fabulous. C became ill on holiday, with a severe period.  Various doctors came out, injections were given, and at the end of the holiday she had the all clear to go home.  C occasionally needed oxygen, and became ill on the plane. We had a carer with us, and she had oxygen, the planes own oxygen, but became non responsive and sleepy during the flight. This was the last time I saw C alive.  The cause of death was oxygen starvation. 
I wonder now if the heavy period from the implant, loss of blood, may have added to the cause.  Blaming myself, for not being a better lover, being more involved in her care and choices as a Master still haunt me today. But it was never a full on 24/7 relationship at that time, and we’d ‘parted’ as D/s before we went on holiday. 

During the night after the flight I felt a tightening in my chest, as though I couldn’t breath..  Around 3 AM,  I had a call the next day that Cupcake had passed away then.

Seeing her again, at her parents house after her body had been brought back to London, was the strangest  thing.  She looked as beautiful as ever, she’d donated her corneas.. I didn’t know how to react, how I was supposed to react.  I kissed her, and walked away.  The grief, again came later, everytime I saw someone in a wheelchair, or perhaps a voice that sounded like hers. Or her name on a stage, as acting was one of her passions, a local festival named their stage after her.  Seeing it at a festival. I just broke down… I pushed myself to go back a couple of times for a year or so.

At the funeral, her friends from the group we’d met, one of them I was also intimate with, Paws.  It seems very weird writing about it. We wept at the funeral..  It was then I think I went back to Paws place..  Privacy was in her bedroom..  We fucked hard..  It wasn’t planned, it wasn’t intense it didn’t feel wrong, maybe awkward afterwards it was just that raw release of emotion wanting, needing contact with another being.  We never spoke of it again.

The years after C’s death, maybe 5, did I have any confidence or desire to start dating again.
And it was so near Christmas, I’ve always watched this film. Of love loss and hope.
It’ll be lonely this Christmas.

Actually I have a massive ManCrush on Alan Cummings too.