Category Archives: Uncategorized

My relationship with KinkyWithATwist

KWT summa it up brilliantly:)  We’ve known’ each other for many years, maybe a decade, but only met in the flesh twice:)

So enjoy the following beautiful, long read, entry below

https://kinkywithatwist.com/2021/05/30/30-days-of-submission-day-16-is-my-submission-different-in-various-relationships/

On this hot sunny day.
Enjoy! 

Swinging V Polyamory – its not BDSM

Two very very different things

Something that MrsWolfie wrote got me thinking and the urge to respond.
Swingers Devotion Symbol. Creative Commons 

A Swingers Devotion

Swinging. I very briefly touched on Swinging in a previous post. Its active in my area for sure.

“Swinging, sometimes called wife swapping, husband swapping or partner swapping, is a sexual activity in which both singles and partners in a committed relationship sexually engage with others for recreational purposes.[1] Swinging is a form of non-monogamy and is an open relationship. People may choose a swinging lifestyle for a variety of reasons. Many cite an increased quality and quantity of sex. Some people may engage in swinging to add variety into their otherwise conventional sex lives or due to their curiosity. Some couples see swinging as a healthy outlet and means to strengthen their relationship.[1]

The phenomenon of swinging, or at least its wider discussion and practice, is regarded by some as arising from the freer attitudes to sexual activity after the sexual revolution of the 1960s, the invention and availability of the contraceptive pill, and the emergence of treatments for many of the sexually transmitted diseases that were known at that time. The adoption of safe sex practices became more common in the late 1980s.

The swinger community sometimes refers to itself as “the lifestyle”, or as “the alternative lifestyle”.[2]”

Oddly enough Alternative Lifestyles cover many things, including BDSM and various ethical practices and beliefs.

  Polyamory Symbol Creative Commons Licence128px Polyamory woven svgPolamoury 
“Polyamory (from Greek πολύ poly, “many, several”, and Latin amor, “love”) is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the informed consent of all partners involved.[1][2] It has been described as “consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy”.[3][4][5] People who identify as polyamorous believe in an open relationship with a conscious management of jealousy; they reject the view that sexual and relational exclusivity are necessary for deep, committed, long-term loving relationships.[6][7] Other people prefer to restrict their sexual activity to only members of the group. This type of closed polyamory relationships are usually referred to as polyfidelity.[8][9]

Polyamory has come to be an umbrella term for various forms of non-monogamous, multi-partner relationships, or non-exclusive sexual or romantic relationships.[10][11][12] Its usage reflects the choices and philosophies of the individuals involved, but with recurring themes or values, such as love, intimacy, honesty, integrity, equality, communication, and commitment”

Neither practices come under the umbrella of BDSM, but those practicing either can have interests in BDSM as part of their kinks or lifestyle.  

I consider myself polyamorous but currently practice a monogamous relationship. Polyamory is one of the hardest types of relationship, trust and acceptance is a key, and jealousy is common and one of the harder areas to overcome. It can be very rewarding as different partners can offer each other different levels, areas and manners of love and satisfaction.  Where it IS incorporated in BDSM it can be one person is perhaps more Dominant, and can offer some things a ‘primary’ partner cannot.

I’ve never been into swinging (despite once staying ‘accidentally’ in a swingers hotel!

To summarise Swingers tend to be far more oriented towards sexual pleasure, Polyamory towards relationships and affection.
Are you either, comment or get in touch if you like my posts.

A rough kinky guide & more to Telford (UK)

I’ll not lie,  most events BDSM related in the Midlands are NOT in Telford and at times living here and trying to be in the kink scene are tough.
 (Note there are several other towns across the world called Telford. Confusing isn’t it!)


Many munches or meetups centre round the bigger events, clubs or trade shows in Birmingham Bizarre Bazaar known as the BBB. Or are more remote events, online shops or not in the area. 

Telford Events are usually organised and announced on the Adult Social Media platform Fetlife. 

There’s not a lot in Telford in way of events. The main Telford Fetish  munch is small, but friendly and held in Midlands adult and LBTQ+ friendly pub slightly away from the centre of town, and not well served by public transport. 

The small much is however very friendly, and welcoming and worth a visit if its running (again most are currently shut due to Covid)

Online the Munch Group has close to 300 members presumably from in and around Telford. Quite often more mobile members crossover between munches. Not all of these people attend the munches. At a guess many of the members are lurkers. The actual attendance is between 12 and 20, although I’ve heard there’s been closer to 30 in the past.

LBTQ+ there is an active but small public group on social media, that pre lockdown

Going Outside. Particularly if you have a car, there are many opportunities for outdoor, remote play, occasional derelict buildings. (obviously be safe!) remote areas of woodlands, b road tracks (make sure they are not farm tracks) and lay-bys 
The opportunity for some outdoor play, or photoshoots is good.

Shopping. During Covid online adult toy stores such as Love Honey have seen a huge increase.

An independent couple friendly Adult Boutique named Romeo & Juliet’s Licensed  Adult Store  selling clothing, toys and peripherals closed in 2018. I’m in agreement here that Telford could be so much better for BDSM.

Other events are held in Birmingham and Wolverhampton, and I’ve been offered lifts to these if and when things change and it becomes possible. Having not attended I cannot write about them however this post is about Telford itself, not its surroundings.

A small Ann Summers store operates in the Telford Town Centre

There are a few hotels listed as Adults Only, in the area but no real boutique hotels similar to the Hotel Pellirocco in Brighton, which I rate as a standard for good ‘play’ hotels to aim for.

While swinging in no way suggests links with BDSM it preliminary research suggests that Telford has a fairly active swinging scene (I’m almost certain some of my neighbours swing that way!) And the UK TV broadcaster Channel 4 (renowned for its colourful productions) is currently (Aug2020) airing a program titled, yes you’ve guess it. Swingers!

Dogging certainly happens in Telford, again not BDSM but part of the sexual steaming pot of the area! Frequent topic on Adult Social Media forums.

Just Get Naked.
For those that just enjoy not wearing clothes Telford offers a naturist club again located on the Outskirts of Telford

Abuse
The very very dark side of Telford Illegal Activities

Telford is an area of relative financial poverty. Its reputation and links for underage gangs, including forced prostitution, trafficking. While these gangs have been found, arrested and imprisoned there are rumours that elements of abuse are still current.
Sexual abuse, control of minors, enforced drug taking, or any form of non consent are in no way part of a healthy bdsm scene or lifestyle.
Those in any community who abuse others or the law should be reported and prosecuted.

Enhance the UK – Undressing Disability – Edited July 2020

Still exploring this site, the purpose of it is unclear, is it financial (given that it has a payments page). Or is that for future merchandise? Events? In a nutshell its a mix of an Awareness Site and Professional and Public Peer Networking. Why have 2 websites, or not link 2 together is an unknown (read down). One is the ‘Forums’ one is the Charities/Organisations ‘front of house’

https://undressing.enhancetheuk.org/

When you first visit the site its unclear on what its about. There’s no, About Us page, and no info, and it requires a registration to even look round the site.
I think this is just  poor web design by https://www.sixcircles.co.uk/pricing/ at their prices I think its very poor indeed.
Geek hat off, the site once you get in. looks promising, it seems the idea is to connect users to influence, and share info on sex and disability at a professional level (unlike a dating site)

Its very very strange it seems they have 2 websites, one an org UK and one is the above:
https://enhancetheuk.org/about-us/
Quite why one site for the same organisation needs 2 websites seems unclear. The Link above doesn’t require Login via email.

It has 2 slogans, “Changing Society’s views on Disability” and “Undressing Disability”  as well as Enhance the UK as its main tags. Confused? So am I.
If its one thing I can’t stand its slogans that don’t have a direct meaning. I mean I love to enhance my food with herbs, and undressing is always fun, but? And there’s little doubt that the UK could do with some enhancements!

Their welcome message reads thus:

Screen Shot 2020 07 26 at 09 54 17
If the ‘Welcome page’ was public, perhaps ‘what the site was about would perhaps be clearer. Like most forum based sites you have the chance to upload a photo and edit a profile. Although I seem to be having trouble with that with a ‘password not recognised’, perhaps the adblock again!

How it will differ from the excellent resources already provide by SHADA, Disability Horizons, and Outsiders excellent advice for individuals and professionals remains to be seen. I think it may compliment them. And has the potential to be a non social media resource equivalent to Shift.MS and KidneyPatientGuide   Outsiders also provide a Free Ebook guide/website written by disabled people. 

If your uncertain of the site I’d suggest signing up first with a temp email from a site such as guerlliamail or SpamGourmet
Once you are signed up you will get this welcome message and description. Which could an open welcome page on the website BEFORE you sign up.
Once signed up you enter the Undressing Disability Hub,

Hello, and welcome to the Undressing Disability Hub, a place for information, education, resources and networking within
the world of disability and sexuality.   We are so often encouraged to make connections and have conversations at work and within our professions, but at Enhance the UK, we believe there’s still so much that can be done to further communication and learning in this area of love, sex, relationships and impairments – and there’s nothing better than sharing ideas, creating projects together and learning from each other. Think of it as LinkedIn’s fun, sexy sibling that’s ready to make a stand and push for progress.

(Really I hope its nothing LIKE linkedIn, the most some of the most hacked and farmed professional data online!)

 

The purpose of this hub is to focus on topics
linked to physical and/or sensory impairments and sexual expression
rather than matters linked to capacity to consent.

 

There’s a few things that we’d like you to know before you being exploring:

To be able to contribute and engage with the site you will need to sign up as a
member.  Membership is free and all members will receive a free copy of
our Undressing Disability ebook – full of relationship stories written by our disabled friends and colleagues.

This hub is for like minded people in this field to connect, collaborate and share their work and experiences.
Please, no personal ads or inappropriate content. Positivity
goes a long way! Even though we are fully aware that frustration and
difficulty absolutely exists in this arena, please post positively and
in a way that encourages contact, excitement and proactivity from us
all.

And lastly, just as the topic is, this hub will be constantly updating and
evolving, so please do check back regularly. We are excited about the
heights that this hub could go to, if we all stay present.”

Once your into the site it has some pretty standard menu items :
Screen Shot 2020 07 26 at 10 47 21
As a new site its pretty blank, resources are pretty standard ‘sex ed’ 
It does however have an ‘Accessibility Widget’
which is pretty nifty
Screen Shot 2020 07 26 at 10 49 54

Looking further into the site there are forums. 
Currently with the following subthread.

  • Family members and carers
  • Interviews about autism, intimacy, sexuality and paying for sexual services
  • Welcomes and Introductions 
  • General discussions
  • Parenting hacks

    Like Outsiders it has resources for professionals and individuals (as yet blank) in the forms  of  guides, videos, podcasts and leaflets.

    So, whats the site for. Professionals, keen influencers? Peer support? That’s still not entirely sure, but its FREE apart from an email address before you look round the site, so give it a go. Again, I think the ‘signup to view’ is something they need to loose!

    You receive a ‘Free Ebook’ on signup, mostly a collection of members stories. Also available from Amazon (currently with zero reviews)
    Undressing Disability Enhance the UK eBook: 

    The Stories cover various ‘members’ supporters disabilities, hearing loss, visual disability, ABS, Bone Disease, Stroke, Vehicle accident etc. You get the picture. Its worth a read. If a non for a non disabled person its educational, for a disabled person you’ll probably emphasise or perhaps think ‘I didn’t know about that condition’ The Image Gallery is good, photoshoot style shots of the contributors in sexy, but tasteful posses and attire. Some contributors have been in the media in some form or another.

    Table of contents below from Enhance the UK Ebook

    Screen Shot 2020 07 28 at 08 43 34 

    Comments/feedback always welcome etc etc

General Blogging – Why use a publishing tool?

Following from a conversation with my fellow blogger BigBold&Bright on blogging, who’s trying to make it work I asked if she was using a publishing tool or app. This makes life a lot easier. As close to a WYSWIG blogging platform, and unless your a coder (I used to dabble in code, now I grow stuff!)

While you can use web publishing software a simple blog editor is often multiplatform, so you can tweek an extra post to Facebook or Twitter/Instagram rather than you site if needed.

https://www.wpbeginner.com/beginners-guide/best-drag-and-drop-page-builders-for-wordpress/

https://saveblogging.com/wordpress-offline-editors/

Some are licensed, some are free.

So while this isn’t something I would usually write about. If your gonna use WordPress, use it well

One of the advantages for instance of MarsEdit is its selection of publishing options Screen Shot 2020 06 19 at 18 04 38

 

 

Screen Shot 2020 06 19 at 18 12 06

Welcome to 2020 – Should I keep this blog?

Its going to be a further year I think of turmoil. More rainy days, changes, hopefully positive in the way we all live. These are going to affect everything, including.

One thing I’ve noticed is that many followers of this blog have zero interest in BDSM on their own blogs. Also wordpress is well known for being hacked, although lets hope so.

I’m hoping 2020 for myself will bring better experiences with me and red, kink wise. We shall see. The ongoing efforts to minimise I think will be the hardest. Or most fun?


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