Balancing Kinky & Normal

Inspired perhaps by 10shades Recent post

There is a group on Fetlife.  Balancing ‘Normal’ and Kinky
Its group 89, so maybe came about early on in Fetlife, which has been around for a while, in digital terms anyway.

There’s a general theme in the group that comes across as a fact.. Consistency is very hard to do, unless your  play is  joint vocation in some manner! 

I’d say my ‘Normal’ life is very consistent, due to disability 4 days a week, health comes first, and this is pretty much a primary consistency, domestic stuff, keeping the place clean comes between me, my partner/sub, and external help we need as a disabled couple. Add to that glitches, needs to do other ‘normal things’ ‘vanilla’ commitments. Living with a disabled partner who NEEDS TO SLEEP in the afternoon means play HAS to happen ONLY, when both of us are suitably free/energetic.  This again brings to the question, unanswered of an ‘external’ party for play, but agreed with all.
At the moment a little self satisfaction, fantasising as many do  about another situation (Note this is normal in 99 percent of fantasies)

The last ‘joint’ session involved me doing something I’ve never done before, finishing off with red in the room, so there you have it, a new experience, in a tricky situation. I would of course have preferred that act to be assisted, but after a LONG mutual teasing session at 1 AM (at least an hour) it seems that sleep was the best option.

I’ll dabble here into the male ‘cycle’ which while I’ve personally little doubt exists, there is little research into its actuality.
Food for thought.

Share and share alike

I’m not personally convinced that 1 to 1 is the best way for modern relationships.  To me they still linger on to Victorianesque, women as property, based on on power hungry misinterpretations of the holy scriptures, which incidentally are FULL of sex, multiple partners, sleeping with your brothers wife etc. 

My issue with religious is that its easily ‘lost in translation, and used for control, rather than good. I consider myself polyamours, but live in a monogomous relationship.

If you ever look at the Bible/Torah/Quoran, you’ll notice that they include the same texts to some degree!

Polamoury, from loosely translated ‘many loves’ is a relationship where ‘play’ not always sex, is agreed with 1 or more partners. Often polyamorous relationships are intensely loving when successful, IF jealously can be put aside.

Swinging, is sharing partners for sex, usually the same, but often at ‘clubs’ or off websites. Sounds fab but I feel you need confidence or both be interested to really make it work.

Open relationships..  These really are probably one that occurs at the beginning of relationships, communication, awareness of other partners may be minimal, or it may be a relationship where 1 or more people just do not commit.  

Polygamy and polygyny.  Generally this involves recognised marriage to more than one spouse..  While legal in many religious it may not be legal in the law of a country.

My personal experiences of polyamory are that its difficult, jealousy often arises, even if unintentional, the illogical need to ‘own’ a partner are deep

Sex Toys – Recycle them Greener Play BDSM on a Budget

The 9 R’s Reduce, Reuse Recycle, Respect Rehome, Reward, Rethink Revovle and Rework

While I don’t always listen to my now rules.   I’m a big fan of made up fantasy Rules, Gibbs Rules from NCIS, the ST Ferengi Rules of Acquisition, there are some day to day rules that we can aim for.

IMG 8852
Don’t Eat the Poison Berries!

Recycling Sex Toys and BSDM on a budget.

As kids and teens we play about with different textures, smells, colours, as puberty and early adulthood hit we develop, and sometimes act on our fantasies, desires, preferences. We continue to touch things and increasingly, stick things inside our various orifices for dares, fun and pleasure! We lust for a fuller and fuller toybox! Usually reverting to 1 or 2 favourites and a bear!

Maybe for another topic.

Getting back on TOPic..:)  
A quick search brought me to the article I was looking for

Love Honey runs a Rabbit Amnesty, for other sex toys, and I think one or 2 other sites do. They are currently running various offers via quidco for new and existing customers!

I’m all for budget play, scarves, clothes pegs of various materials make excellent DIY clamps as does anything else that clamps, from hair clamps to harsh stationary/office and DIY screw clamps for the kinkiest budget player.

Rope is a good one for bondage, but you need to know some basic knots.

Clothes, pegs, Rope and Scarfs, ‘Connectors’  (I’ve tried to find a cheap link but these are 3 way, or 2 way  D ring connectors that allow bondage to be linked (usually for ‘hogtie’ or behind back bondage but be imaginative 

Rope, Rubber Bands and Zip Ties..  Rubber bands are generally REALLY NOT SAFE.. I’m repeatedly told But, I’ve used them without  any issue ever for play, breast binding etc. Use at your own discretion.   Same goes with bungee cords. Again I’ve used them often with a good set of cuffs and never had any accidents.

Zip ties, tight, coarse, just make sure you can remove them. Not personally used them but seems popular for breast bondage on Amateur Porn sites.

I’ve shopped from various mainstream suppliers such as LoveHoney, Sextoys UK,, and a few of the others. I find it pays to shop around a bit, often the ‘main cheap budget’ on all sites comes from China anyway, which I get to next.

I’m a contradiction when it comes to buying as I do shop directly from the cheap as chips AliExpress, part of Alibaba, products comes direct from China on a very Ebay/Amazon Buy It Now  type shop front.

To shop at AliExpress via Quidco for /Cashback, click HERE:

Examples below.

A Bed Bondage Kit costs around 3 quid.,searchweb201602_9,searchweb201603_52

Paddles that you WILL see on most mainstream adult stalls and Fetish Fairs/Markets for under 3 quid.

Its worth bearing in mind that shipping from China Takes a while, and anything over about 18 quid will most likely incur shipping/taxduty charges.

There are a few sites where you can sell toys, such as
Although be warned, like GumTree these include the popular market for used everything from underwear and bras (which now CAN be recycled properly) and less savoury ‘goods’.

I’ll finish with a suitable song:

Netlix – Currently Watching

A bit corny, but loosely based on the true story of porn censorship in china.

The Naked Director covers the story of a failed salesman turned porn producer in a country where genitalia must be censored, and scenes fake, with the actress always as ‘the helpless victim’

Worth a watch even if its just for the moans at the plot and giggles! And a few love scenes, and so far, hints towards BDSM.  

Oh and throw in the Censorship Board, Corrupt Police and hey, its watchable.

You’ll Take it Sitting Down – Stories from the archives

Rather than me rewriting a whole post, or is that a HOLE post 😉

Link to the SMUT:

Here’s something rather enjoyable. This story was read at a booklaunch for KD Grace , author of ‘The Pet Shop’ series, in London by my own girl in front of a live audience;)

Incidentally I’ve now downloaded a funky piece of software that makes it FAR easier for me to blog, than faffing about with a browser:D

MarsEdit is SWEET:)

Published – The School of Sex

Well, I have been:)

Actually both myself and the girl contributed to THIS:

Look under Kidney Failure:

Your going to hear a lot more, probably about
The Outsiders Club, on this blog as MOST of my experiences since I decided to grasp BDSM and my sex life by the balls and attempt to enjoy as much of it as possible, have been possible due to the above mentioned organisation. From confidence building to playmates. From social anxiety to playing with wheelchair using subs and going to Night of The Senses and the Sexual Freedom Awards.
These would not have been possible without my membership of the club.

Do check out the website and share it on to anyone you think might like it:)

The Inspection part 1

If you’ve already read this. Nope its not nicked, its because you’ve checked out my LiveJournal in the past:

She knew what was coming, knew what to expect, but the thought of what she’d agreed, made her shiver with excitement.

The email had come through earlier with instructions. Sir was clear about preparation, sexy underwear and bra, and attire to suit depending weather and mode of transport. She was wearing the red and purple bra and panties.

The Email had read as follows.

“The room is booked in my name, get 2 key cards from the reception, and unpack your luggage, neatly as you’ve been taught. Put your toys on the bed, put your collar on, and leave the door on the latch.
When you get my text, prepare yourself as I’ve taught you.”
She waited, put some music on, via the TV.. she thought Sir would approve of something relaxing if he was travelling.

“Sir will be with His Slut, in 10 minutes, prepare yourself for inspection, clothes ON.’ The text came through.. Clear instructions…
She read the text.. Inspection?? She’d done this so many times on camera, but. The First Thing when Meeting.. She shivered with excitement, and nerves.

She started on her preparation. “I will Serve and Obey my Master’ she spoke to the room, she got down on her knees, and positioned herself facing the door, hands behind her back, in the position of subservience, legs parted, eyes to the floor.
She repeated the words, adding the mantra, His pleasure is my reward, to be given at His whim, His pain is my pleasure, for me to receive. I live to Serve Him, and no one else.
She was so engrossed that she almost missed the sound of the door opening, as she had her eyes closed, focusing, as He’d taught her, on the words, the feeling of her skin, her arousal, the memory of His Voice.
Sir entered and closed the door, closing the latch securely.

“Come to me slut” Sir commanded, and she crawled on all fours towards Sirs feet.


From Head to Toe, Top to Bottom

Words and photos or links by Rope & Roses 20019

This is the first part of the ‘Head to Toe, or Top to bottom part of my journal.

I always encourage new subs to undergo a ‘Head to toe, self examination in 3 ways’ when playing online., but more on that in another post. Part of My preference in play is to ensure everything, about my new ‘sub-ject’ gets examined:)

Starting with the head.

The head, containing of course, the brain, but also hair, nose, cheeks, eyes, ears, mouth, lips.

Its the biggest organ of pleasure, pain, stimulation.

Starting with the hair it can be pulled, dyed to be pleasurable for the viewer,used in the rope play and suspension,or shaven completely as punishment, scening or preference.
Personally I find hair a good way to ‘control’ a scene with a sub, and hair can be very ascetically pleasurable during a photoshoot.

And not to forgetting certain plats or weaves for certain ‘schoolgirl’ play, or Shibari Rope scenes.

Image linked as below, and example of Ponytail bondage/hairplay.

Please credit, and comment /contact if sharing or you wish to use any of my work.

Don’t knock the Genuine Newbie

Or maybe, read, think back, and listen before you reply.

This is something I wrote about 4 years ago. About an incident that happened many many moons before.
Also recently, I’ve been able to meet, and ‘Chaperone’ for want of a better word, someone not only fairly new to kink, but very recent to the area.”

Meeting has been a bonus to both of us as the single Munch is remote, and I don’t have a car, but she does. Although we share kinks as D/s she’s not interested in a poly relationship, which is fine. I finally actually now have 2 local ‘Kink friendly’ aware friends. Humans that I’ve actually meet, and can meet in person without having to censor conversation, and try and be that nice chap!

Something I’ve observed again and again is the ‘good advice’ from those on the scene.

Maybe my post should be titled ‘don’t shoot the newbie’.

Usually when someone’s introduction is made saying ‘I’m new, hello’.

I see the standardised replies.. Oh go to a lunch, you’ll meet people there, fill out your profile more, or just as commonly ‘you should be on another site’

Yes its quite hard to see those that expect everyone to jump around their new wonderfulness..

However, thinking back to my very beginning. I didn’t want to turn up randomly and meet with a group of strangers. My confidence wasn’t high, and while I’d been interested and online with the lifestyle for several years, I wasn’t ready to ‘take the plunge’.

As it was, I was incredibly lucky to first make a local friend, who I eventually met for a few coffees, who then took me to the then very small London Fetish fair, and introduced me to some real-time kinky Ds play. And that colourful technicolour wash that is BDSM.

They took, and gave me their time, rather than sending me off on my own.

While Fet, and just about every other site and app is full of the ballsack controlled newbie Dom’s and the inexperienced worship me Mistresses, my life might be very different if it wasn’t for a person who took the time to introduce me one to one to the scene…

Since then I’ve used that experience to share, and introduce people, not to the full on hardcore side of things but to the gentle stepping stone towards the kink journey. The Mentor and Chaperone is in!”