Welcome to my journal

Please enjoy the journal, More about me can be found here:

Inspired by my fellow blogger Tenshadesandme, this is a new format, new in the ‘not another wordpress site’ style.
I first started an ‘Adult’ Journal , on July 6th, 2006 on the defunct platform of LiveJournal. Although my interest, nay, passion now for BDSM stems from the late 80’s.
This journal contains material of a graphic and explicit nature
For the purpose of UK readers this site is suitable for those over the age of 18.
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40 Kinky personal questions answered

40 Kinky personal generic questions answered

Nicked from Kinky with a Twist.  Who does propper blogging and more research and stuff!

1 Have you ever had sex in three or more positions in one session?
Does a long oral warm up count? Then yes! 

2. Have you ever had sex continuously for 1 hour or more?
Ditto to 1

3. Have you ever devoted an entire day to sex and sexual activity (with breaks for eating, etc)?
Well, when you’ve booked a hotel. I mean are we talking 9-5 or going for a 24 marathon. Certainly the best part of a day when that day is for the purpose

4. Have you ever been so loud having sex that housemates/neighbours commented or complained?
No

5. Have you ever had your sexual technique/style/skill openly praised by someone?
I’ve been told I have magic fingers, and my tongue was mistaken for a vibrator! 

6. Have you ever written an explicitly erotic story? 
Yes, many, Since my teens. Non published, as yet.

7. Have you ever brought your partner to orgasm using only your hands?
Magic fingers 😉

8. Have you ever licked or sucked on someone else’s feet and/or toes?
Yes, it can be quite a turn on. Or a turn off if your not into it.

9. Have you ever had sex with someone you’re not married to?
Well I’ve never been married so yes!

10. Have you ever had sex with someone who’s married to someone else?
No, not that I know of.

11. Have you ever had sex simultaneously with two people—MMF? MFF?
A few times, not PIV, but my first sexual experience was being sandwiched between 2 beautiful young BBW

12. Have you ever had anal sex?  If toys count? Cock in arse. No!

13. Have you ever gone out in public while wearing an anal plug? Nope, but I’ve had partners who have.

14. Have you ever been told you’re dirty because of the things you say? 
What can I say, I am a filthy beast!

15. Have you ever gotten really turned on by saying or hearing dirty talk?
For as long as I can remember. A picture may paint a thousand words, but words paint a picture.

16. Have you ever had sexual fantasies related to or involving submission, domination, suppression, forced intercourse, infliction of pain, bondage, hot wax, nipples clamps, etc…
Yes, it’s more common than you think from an early age in mostly males. Over 60 percent of women fantasies on being Dominated. Often strong women enjoy submitting in the bedroom

17. Have you ever been involved in any sexual activities you would describe as kinky?
How long have we got? Yes for about the last decade.

18. Have you ever realized that you are much more sexually open-minded/kinky than most of your previous partners and/or friends? Yes, but its really hard to tell without conversation who openminded or kinky people are. Most of the time.

19. Have you ever been part of an S/M roleplay (master/mistress/slave), domination (as the dominant/submissive part), or being victim of pain (such as whipping, caning, hot wax on genitals, nipple clamps/genital clamps etc.)?
Yes. Some may be uncomfortable with the word victim. But from a young age many play at ‘power exchange’ role-play games. Such as prison, police, hunting, relationships, and other pre sexuality make believe games.

 

20. Have you ever identified as bisexual–to yourself? to partners? to friends?
Identifided or introduced?. I have bi fantasies, bit not open to the masses.

21. Have you ever fantasized about or practiced orgasm control/denial?
Yes, it can be enjoyable. ‘Edging’ self denial is big in the online world at the moment. Orgasm control of others is enjoyable but needs to be done with care. If a relationship breaks up for example. The ‘controlled’ person can find it hard to orgasm without ‘permission’ 

22. Have you ever daydreamed about sexual activities exceeding what most people consider “normal” sex?
All the time

23. Have you ever gotten really turned on by fantasising about/witnessing gay or lesbian sex?
Yep

 

24. Have you ever tried scissoring? Well it doesn’t just apply to women. Can be multigender. 
It can be rewarding, but it’s a position that requires warmed up muscles. Certain similar positions are used in Tantric sex, warm ups.

25. Have you ever performed oral sex on a man?
No

26. Have you ever performed oral sex on a woman?
Yes

27. Have you ever received oral sex from a man?
No, but its a bi fantasy/not yet.

28. Have you ever received oral sex from a woman.  Yes.  But Girls, LEARN about a blokes anatomy as much as you would your own. Porn oral isn’t the answer!

29. How old were you the first time you had sex?
in my 20’s

30. Where? Girlfriends bedroom

31. How many partners? it really depends. First sexual experience. 2 

32. Have you ever practiced BDSM on yourself (bondage, nipple clamps, hot wax, suction, electro-stim, etc etc etc)  Yes    If your gonna do it to others, try it yourself.

33. Have you had more or fewer lovers than your current partner?
I
ts a bit of a pointless question, but numerically, probably.

34. Have you ever had sex in front of other people?
No, but I’ve worn very little in front of others in a sexual situation, where others were ‘getting to it’

35. Did you know them? Some of them

36. Did you like it? Vanilla is overrated! 

37. Have you ever had a crush on a fellow blogger here on WordPress?
Well I only ‘know’ one really!

38. Have you ever met anyone through AFF, OKCupid, Kassidie, or another site?

Other sites, yes.

39. Have you ever had an orgasm without any direct stimulation (not counting dreams)?
Most likely yes!

40. Do you like being called dirty names during sex?
Its kinda part of fun sex, eh?  

Why this video, & my disability links in with BDSM

This is a DDN (nope not Daddy Dom Never) but Double Down News Video on UK education 

Observing my education. I was privileged.  My parents where working middle class in reality, working in the public sector they saved and purchased a house, saved and and sent their kids to independent schools (Private Schools) rather than state. With a chronic condition, I was in and out of hospital, moved from infant (prep school) to one private school for most of my education, which focused on achievement and discipline and competition (very conservative).

Go to college, learn to drive,  get a job, work for the big business or go into high paid jobs.Other people will do stuff for you if you give them money. Some choose to go into what are still lower paid professions. OR do not have those privileges and thus are in circumstance due to inequality. And have kids. In other words, be a good drone for society, and you’ll be rewarded. And lied to, deceived, and given false truths and news.

In and out of medical facilities the school did very little to support me, and indeed didn’t notice, or didn’t contact my parents when I was absent for a week or so, nor did they send any support.  
I moved onto another school, mostly focused on a much more art and action b
based education (look up Steiner Schools). While in hospital I was in an out of hospital school as well, something that our Conservative government tried to scrap!
From then I moved onto state school and university to complete my studies.  I had the privileged, mostly capitalist view of the world, although I was never that happy with the world.
 Inequality  was never in my eye until I was a little older but I could see that Equality, was a buzz word that was unachievable to humanity in its current form. And still is.

So WHY is this video relevant to BDSM and education.  Most education is loosely still based on that. As a species, on the whole we teach our young in that same capitalist method, that THINGS AND MONEY, are the key to success, that you have to be better than others, even if equality and diversity are thrown around as buswords.

DIFFERENCES, including BDSM are still seen as ‘weird’ or not normal. And while the freedom of sexual expression is fairly open in the UK, there have been moves to remove some of that. To add more control of our lives to the state. Without my mixed education, I would NOT have had the opportunity to advance, to change, to learn about myself. In other countries, the state still abhors or punishes those that do not meet the conformity, often under the guise of false news or religion.

I live in an area of poverty, thats a gov fact, in fact people have houses, drive cars. But it a background of crime, links to sex trafficking, drugs (in some areas) and the worst health poverty in the area. The local council, mostly conservative is good at greenwashing itself, and encouraging people to be ‘part of the community’ while there’s nothing wrong with that, those ‘getting involved, are a small minority.

We cannot have education that continues teaching the 9 to 5 wealth and breeding program if we want to survive as a species. Because its the only opportunity taught to children, it needs major educational change to break the pattern.

So, watch and share double down news, talk to your friends about it. ARGUE with your friends about it:) Be your own government! 

Why I don’t take part in social media questions!

You’ve all seen the posts. The latest I saw was ‘Name this DJ?’  Often you’ll see What is your? Name This? Have You ever.

Lets look closer at these kind of profiles. The name, may or may not be genuine. My latest was 107 Rewind Radio, with a bubble caption ‘Your allowed to meet your 18 year old self, your allowed to say 3 words, what would you say?’ 107 is a genuine radio station, one of my friends liked, saw, shared etc.

Why do I need to answer this? I don’t, in fact I generally ‘Hide All’ on facebook, and on other sites, including BDSM sites, I don’t feel obliged to ‘Love’.  I’m not there to add, give 2 seconds of appreciation or WASTE MY TIME on something that will be gone ‘downstream’ in a day. 

Its important to remember Just Waste Time, and relax sometimes.  But the rest of the time, cherish the seconds! 

The Police & Crime Bill – Further Criminalisation

This is possibly one of the most unusual posts I’ll write.

If you live in  the UK, and you support our remaining freedoms, sexual and otherwise, this is a post for you.

If you’ve ever debated or considered sex work, or been involved in the adult industry, this post is for you.
If you’ve ever protested or supported those fighting for their rights, this is for you.

The TLC Trust offers Responsible Sexual Services for Disabled People. Providers are Verified – Services are Professional  – Safety is key, for both providers and clients.

Support the TLC Trust – Police and Crime Bill – Further Criminalisation
Organisations including the TLC trust are threatened by this

https://tlc-trust.org.uk/

TLC is under attack as is the right to pay for sexual services. Many of you have heard of the Nordic model. For those who haven’t, it’s where it is made illegal to pay for sex. Criminalising the client not the worker but just as unhelpful for the worker. They have slipped this into the new Police and Crime Bill which is currently being protested against all over the country.
“If you would like to help then please add your name to the open letter or send a copy of it to your own MP.
TLC is creating a lobbying pamphlet which some of you have contributed to and I’ll share it soon as it’s finished.

Why I offer peer support – and why I hate doing it

Actually I don’t HATE doing it. But it has its positives and negatives. A bit of a rant! 

What is peer support. Basically sharing info and supporting those in the same situation, group interest as yourself, often in a ’safe’ environment.

The BDSM community, is by the by runs on Peer Support, at times better than others. Hence the ‘community’ runs munches, workshops, such as ‘peer rope’ workshops. These are designed to share information, to safeguard against predators. Everyone at some point is ’new’ to something. A community, a classroom, a job.

I have always been involved in peer support for several of my passions, other than BDSM, plants, CKD, kite flying.
Knowledge is power but knowledge  should be shared.

The downside of peer support is that it can be exhausting if it fails to meet its purpose.  If people become reliant on you, or your group. As though people are unable to ‘FIND OUT FOR THEMSELVES’  I call and other social media, including the bdsm community, the Lazy Search Engine. How often have you seen a post of ‘How Do I?

HOW TO USE A SEARCH ENGINE should be the default intro for any peer support group online!

Offering peer support or running a group can be exhausting if the you, or only a few people are putting in the effort. It leaves you feeling unappreciated (always thank a host, give them feedback). If the fun stops.  Walk away – let someone else do it. In the bigger picture, people will ALWAYS have the same questions, and the ANSWERS WILL ALWAYS BE THE SAME.

People have been getting into kink, and likewise developing CKD at any time and will continue to do so. DECADES of information is available on the internet.  Just for once, it would be nice to see more posts along the line of.

‘I’ve looked  up and researched X Y & Z and would like to know more! 

Do you run a peer support group, have you ever had to step back or pass over responsibilities?

Feature image women in a peer support group Creative Commons



Selling kinky stuff online – Why Fetlife Wins!

Theres some stuff I’m just not using any more.

Various metal cuff sets. A couple of nipple play sets, Story of O DVD’s and The Pet, and soon to go, some ‘Battle Trousers’ cosplay that I’ve barely worn and just don’t fit.

This is all stuff I might have used with ’new subs or photoshoots’.  As this seems unlikely to happen at the moment, clear the clutter! 

Selling on eBay has become a pain, apart from their endless emails and push to relist, my listing software is no longer supported and going through there website is a slow and frustrating process.
And FB market place is just too fussy, and public! 

UK Kinky Things for Sale on Fetlife is what it says on the tin.  Just a group for selling stuff.  No Damn Fees, no ‘This isn’t suitable for eBay messages.  You DO need a FetLife account, (if your a ‘Fetlife lifer’ like my good self, its not a problem

So, if your on Fet.  Don’t bin it. Sell it.

Intimate Sex for Plus sized lovers

Lets face it, these days most people are chubby, wether thats a good thing or not is another topic all together. You can maintain good health and be deliciously curvey. 

Intimate Sex for Plus sized Lovers – From Liberator

Wether or not you have adult furniture such as liberators. Most of the above can be achieved by rolling duvet’s or using pillows.

Its something I’d love to explore, when feeling frisky again.

Have you explored with ramps, or furniture in your own home?

Quick update

Hey all.
Well my few readers I’m yet again undecided on wether to keep this blog. Why the silence. Quite frankly I’ve not had time. Between health, an Xmas run up. Complete lack of anything sexy in my life at the moment, and generally busy with work (I IT for a local charity) and med stuff. Kink has been in my mind but on the back burner.
That said I have had a load of topics lined up that haven’t been written. So maybe next year.

But here’s a couple of suitable Xmas Song.  Don’t let the Bells End  Haha the cheeky Darkness

The Night Santa Went Crazy

50 shades of reality – Chris and Stacy?

If Christian Grey wasn’t posh and wealthy?

A strange thought came to mind a few days ago. On how BDSM has been portrayed in film and everyday life.

Incidentally I hold that for an author who isn’t in to kink, she must have seen or watched at least ’The Secretary or some other erotic books in her youth), but had been taken in by ’Twighlight’ Fantasy romance and fan fiction. And attending an all girls Grammar School, could have some influence 😉

Incidentally I think the similarities between ’The Secretary’ and 50 Shades are too uncanny. 

Take 50 shades.  Christian Grey the lead in the ‘current mommy porn televised books’ and Anastasia.

Now a simplified name of Christian in Chris and and a common variation on Anastasia is Stacy.

Would the books have read the same if Chris and Stacy got together? Or the films?

Hints at BDSM pop up in common TV series, everything from Midsomer Murders to the hilarious ‘Stella’  to teen comedy Misfits!

The Reality of a a BDSM Chris and Stacy story would probably involve a council flat or semi with a kinky garage or loft conversion dungeon! And maybe occasional membership of a swingers club (again not necessary BDSM) or a visits to a bespoke hotel, plus a decent trade with LoveHoney or Ann Summers!

The majority of the population may not experience BDSM, but may at some point in life ‘experiment’ However its such a broad area that people go from regular club attendance, to creating ‘home dungeons’ or focusing on a few particular fetishes.


I know very few people that are able to live a 24/7 commitment. Those that do have ‘good health, and some form of steady income.

The majority have regular jobs and maybe reasonable health with at least one partner. Although this may be a false description as plenty of people with health conditions and disabilities find BDSM a fantastic outlet or part of life.

Theres no doubt that money helps to ‘buy stuff and do things’.

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/36/Muzzle_gag2.jpg/1024px-Muzzle_gag2.jpg
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/36/Muzzle_gag2.jpg

With 5 books of the 50 shades series (and 3 films ) so far I’ve only read one, and possibly seen a couple of films! 

BDSM in the media.

According to Maria Claire

The following are the Top BDSM Movies of Merit.

While I don’t agree with all, if your into the BDSM mainstream movie genre they are worth a look. I certainly have a soft spot for Billy Piper in Secret Diary of a Call Girl, and 9 1/2 weeks and Basic Instinct are classics with merit!
Bonding, too was a very enjoyable comical but realistic series.

Personally I think B Movie BDSM films should be watched by all beginners, such as ‘The Pet’, under supervisions.
For all the tacky acting. This is a dark film of where ‘play’ can lead to abuse, and in the films end theme human trafficking, which sadly is still very very real in 2020!
2006 

“A young woman in dire financial straights accepts an offer to be a wealthy aristocrat’s human “pet” for six months. Then ruthless modern “pet-nappers” kidnap the woman to sell her on the GSM (Global Slave Market). ”

Themes of The Pet include 
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Film/ThePet

Its not to be confused with the later 2016 film ‘Pet’ (but sometimes also miscalled The Pet, just to confuse things which is much more of a physiological thriller exploring fanatical fetishism and abuse.

Keep Educated, Keep Safe.

Cover pick from PickPik licence free images
Its worth adding the Music Features a good deal in ‘making, rather than breaking’ the film.

– A Journey of a Kinky Nature! Adult Content

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